Fast Food: An Ode to Greatness and Greasiness
I rarely eat fast-food. I could count the number of times I have eaten fast food this year on 3 fingers. Regardless, I’m American and from one of the girthiest states in the union: New Mexico. Hell, the State is even the fifth biggest by geographical statistics let alone the people. Also, I’ve been to most of the states (at least 85%) in the nation and have consistently eaten fast food in all of them during my travels as a teenager. Therefore, I’ve eaten my unfair share of fast food in my lifetime and now feel confident that I can ultimately determine the 10 Best Fast Food Restaurants.
(Side Note: Are places like Starbucks that have pre-prepared sandwiches and ready-to-heat breakfast sandwich items (which must be microwaved before serving) really Fast Food? Well, damn you Starbucks, you’re screwing up the formula. Let’s just say that if you serve more beverages than food and don’t actually cook anything in the restaurant/establishment than NO, you’re not fast-food (that means all smoothie joints and Tim Hortons-like places).
What could be better than a pizza buffet for 5 bucks? Apparently nine other places, but still this is pretty damn good. The pizza is good enough for 5 dollars, plus it has those fightin’ words “all-you-can-eat” attached to it. Here’s my Cici’s story for you: When I was 19 I was hungry. Myself, my friend Chris, and his then girlfriend decided to go to the pizza buffet kingdom. I paid, as did his girlfriend, but Chris wasn’t hungry so he didn’t. Mid-meal Chris decided he wanted a slice of pizza and took one of mine and ate it. Then the manager of Cici’s came over, told Chris not to leave because he had called the police because Chris had stole pizza! After a couple, “Are you serious?” comments the police arrived. I told the manager, “How is this different than me buying chicken nuggets and giving him one.” The Manager replied, “It’s not. That’s stealing.” The cops made Chris pay 5 dollars.
Fav Meal: the fact that you can ask them to make any kind of pizza you want and they’ll do it.
New Mexico has great food. Also, it has fantastic fast-food. Blake’s is a New Mexico staple with 76 locations in the state. That’s a lot of locations for a state that only has 1.5 million people. That’s one Blake’s Lotaburger for every 19,737 New Mexico residents. Blake’s is pretty standard fast food burger and fries fare, but they will put green chile on anything. Plus, it’s cheap and local.
Fav Meal: Lota Combo, LotaBurger with green chile, Curly Fries (as a substitute), diet coke
8. Rubio’s
When I think “Salsa Bar” I think sweaty Spanish guys in polyester shirts. Thankfully there is another Salsa Bar at Rubio’s. I typically hate condiments that don’t end in “arbeque sauce”, but damn I love Salsa. I love it so much I capitalize it in articles.
Fav Meal: every Salsa they have with a bean and cheese burrito
7. Wendy’s
Wendy’s reminds me of my childhood. My two best friends and I would ride our bikes to Wendy’s by our neighborhood, pay in small silver change, and eat until we got sick. Then we’d have a frosty. Also, I’m a huge fan of Wendy’s smug slogan: “That’s Right.”
Fav Meal: Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger, Chili
I’ve personally never seen an Asian person working at Panda Express. I’ve seen whites, blacks, Persians, Mexicans, and in-betweens, but no Asians. That doesn’t bother me though. At least the food is consistently the same delicious-everything-tastes-like-salt-and-canola-oil food. Also, it’s nice to leave a fast-food restaurant with an omen of good futures in hand.
Fav Meal: Steamed vegetables, orange chicken, 6 fortune cookies
In high school people would park their trucks at Sonic and meet up. When I went on a trip with a former girlfriend we stopped at Sonic 6 times with her 8 siblings because there is a Sonic every 15 minutes in West Texas. 5 LA friends and I took a Tuesday night to drive to Anaheim because there isn’t a Sonic anywhere in LA County. Sonic creates good times.
Fav Meal: Five Burgers for Five Bucks on Tuesdays (no mayo, mustard, or ketchup), Strawberry Limeade with extra Strawberries
4. Taco Cabana
Taco C as we called it was the place to see people’s badly enhanced rice rocket Hondas while in high school. More importantly, it’s damn good and damner cheap. They have, hands down, the best fast food Huevos Rancheros this side of Montgomery and Wyoming Blvd.
Fav Meal: Huevos (Over Medium, Green, Flour Tortillas), Pepcid-AC (for afterwards)
3. In-N-Out
I’m a simple guy. I like simple things. In-N-Out Burger is so simple it has 3 basic menu items: Burger, Beverage (soda or shake), and Fries. Granted there are other crazy combinations like Protein style (no bun, lettuce instead), animal style (thousand island, cheese, and grilled chopped onions), Alex Ourieff style (hard toasted bun, extra crisp fries animal style, grilled onions), or whatever. I don’t even care that it’s all freshly made and crap. It’s the ultimate California road trip stop.
Fav Meal: Burger, Soda, Fries.
There need to be more places like Rudy’s. First of all they don’t use plates. You just get a parchment sheet with slabs of meat. Plus, you can get side dishes (baked beans, cole slaw) and you can only order bread by the loaf. Rudy’s BBQ sauce (the regular sauce and non spicy they-call-it “sissy” sauce) is top-notch. Once my dad paid my friends and I to tear up a concrete walkway in our backyard by buying us a huge Rudy’s lunch. Sledgehammers and Ribs, that’s heaven. Added bonus: They sell beer in 32 ouncers.
Fav Meal: pound of brisket, loaf of wheat bread, bbq sauce, Coors Light
1. Frontier Restaurant/Golden Pride
Anyone who knows me from home could’ve guessed that this would top my list. The Frontier is a block-long restaurant across from the University of New Mexico in Albuqueruqe. The menu is everything college kids need: Burgers and steaks, full breakfast menu, and everything New Mexican possible. The breakfast burritos are legendary (a friend coming to visit me here in LA brought two on the plane with him for me, but ate one because they smelled so good). It doesn’t hurt that it’s open 24 hours a day 362 days a year (minus New Year’s Day, Christmas Day, and Thanksgiving Day). I probably spent as much money in my lifetime at Frontier as I have on cars and college tuition.
Fav Meal: Breakfast Burrito (green, no eggs, extra hash browns, bacon), coffee, Chile Cheese Fries, Sweet Roll
